Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
God, I missed his penis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize