I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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