He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
