Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
