Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
