Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
