we're blogging at a bar
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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