The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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