Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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