i may or may not be watching the land before time
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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