Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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