I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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