So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
