Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
