Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
