Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Drake has all the answers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
