Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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