just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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