I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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