i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
