This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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