just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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