All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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