from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
