just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
