I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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