my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
