dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
