I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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