Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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