the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
