A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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