i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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