maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
