uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
ugly people sure do ruin things
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
