I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
