my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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