the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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