And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
