I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
