If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
