It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Vodka?
Forever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
