hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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You can't just leave with hair like that
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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