One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
