i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
