On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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