bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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