Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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