3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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