Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize