Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pants are for mortals
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
