I want to stick my p in your. b.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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