Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Send help, water and tortillas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
