i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
