my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
