cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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