idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
