i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
