That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
