you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize