so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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