I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's never too late to be topless.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
