I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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