i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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