last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was confusing and full of hummus
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
