We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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