Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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