never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
