I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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