Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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