No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
