Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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