oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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