Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i now understand why vodka
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
