Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
