Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
