I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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