every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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