On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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