Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
